Category Archives: First Contact

MAYHEW NO REPLY

Dear Mr. Mayhew, Following our harassment by the police the Social Services called along with our family doctor. Dr. Ahmed was very complimentary about the care package we had in place for my mum. We are not under Social Services, and we do not get regular visits from them. I can send you a copy […]

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How about this for a dream

I was in a friend’s house. I had somehow made my way undetected into the living room.  They were in the house but I couldn’t see them.  It was an old person’s house,  a bit drab, and dark. There was another room, closed by French-doors, in which I could see two cats sitting on the […]

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See thee here…

Dear Uncle David, and Aunty Mavis,   Just a few words we needed to say.  I hope you don’t mind me writing David, knowing this is a time of great concern for you both. Me and my mum are doing fine.  I want you both to know that she is being well looked after and […]

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Alison

  I fall to you, Like raindrops to the earth, Like a lost child in the desert Like a furnace in the Sun.   I stumble along a road, Where your last kiss, Still lingers on my lips, In the distance.   Do you not hear the breath of the wind, Among the mountains, Trickling […]

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Things you didn’t know about Eric

Dear Alison, I hope you are well. When you first came here, I knew you were trouble, but I tried to do what I could. Are you aware that you brought something with you? In all seriousness, did you put a spell on me? I hardly ever saw you laugh or smile, and could feel […]

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CONTINUED POLICE HARASSMENT

Dear Mr. Mayhew, and Tom, Just to bring you up to date.  I met with Social Services, who seemed very happy with the Care plan I had in place for my mother. They told me it was the police who contacted them.  The police told me it was Social Services who contacted them. I was able […]

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Why were your hands on fire?

Dear Alison, I’m just writing to thank you for saving me a heckofa lot of money. I was actually thinking about helping you with your legal costs after you told me how much they were. Yes, I am a bit daft sometimes, and yes, I would have basically done anything for you, even though I […]

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DEAR MR MAYHEW

Q. Whose stupid idea was it to let President Zelensky speak to the British Parliament. Do they want a nuclear confrontation in the heart of Europe? I’ve seen a nuclear war and it’s aftermath, and believe you me, its not something you would like. I assume we can still express a view different to the […]

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False pretences: Alison

Oh, very quick response. I thought I ordered you not to contact me again… WHO SENT YOU HERE? Why did you kiss me on the lips the first time I met you. Why did you call me “sweetheart,” the second time you came? It felt as if I was under some kind of spell. I […]

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Bogus carer

Dear Mr. Mayhew, I am still getting harassed by the police. Every time I advertise for a Carer, for my mum, they send a bogus Carer to my home. When is it going to stop?

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Alison

1. This was hypothetical.  Like you being homeless for instance.  I’d had it in my mind for ages, even before you came.  I am a dreamer.      What to do in the future.  If mum passed away, as well, which she will do one day.  I prayed it would be peacefully in her sleep. […]

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Cun.s in Canada

Would only speak to Donna, our Carer. Her thirty year old daughter wanted to work here but would not communicate with me directly about it…  

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POINTLESS

Dear Mr. Mayhew, The recent enquiry into Met conduct gives you a good idea why referring people to the IPCC is such a bad idea. It needs a completely different approach.  Those people were less than useless ten years ago. Sending the letter I showed you to Paul Sandford would probably be just as pointless, […]

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Arseholes

On Monday 24th January I was awaiting our Carer, Donna Cunliffe-Smith to arrive to attend to my mother’s personal care (Donna has been with us for over a year).  I had the bath ready as normal, mum’s fresh clothes out on the bed, and our supper, which we share together, ready in the kitchen.  It was […]

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Guzzlers

Thank you for your response, Tom, it has been on my mind all day.  I have suffered so much of this over the years.  I thought they were going to leave me alone. It’s obvious what’s happened, especially in light of their comments and questioning when they were here.  One of them saw my fundraising […]

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Is Gareth Southgate gay?

Well, I only asked.

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Prince Andrew an abuser of children!

I spoke to my bombastic patronising sibling last night about the Royal predicament.   She said that the Prince should get everything ‘he deserved,’ for abusing children. I said she was assuming an awful lot. She said she was a teacher, and knew everything.  She said she was a child at fourteen. I reminded her of […]

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There’s a rumour going around town…

That they’ve let Geraldine Lee out again!

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PARROT

Dear Mr. Mayhew, And as I’ve said to you, and your predecessor, on many occasions, they are not fit for purpose. You may have seen the interview with Jeremy Paxman a few years ago…? I thought it was only Solicitors who didn’t listen. I don’t want to spend hours of my time writing pointless letters […]

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Revised version

PUTTING ON EMILY’S SHOES In the morning, when you rub your eyes, the door opens, and mummy calls… “Hurry, or we’ll be late!” Our jeep lies purring in the driveway. You sit above me on the stairs, Your brown hair, straight down your sides, You look at me, without a whisper, Waiting for something, eating […]

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So good looking!

Donna, our new carer came round. “My daughter’s boyfriend is so good looking,” she said.

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Methinks I must protest

Hi Janet, I understand what you mean about letting mum move the furniture round every day. It doesn’t hurt anyone, although it can get a bit exasperating. She often leaves things all over the floor which she could trip-up on, and she sometimes spills things which leave a sticky mess. My mum always liked to […]

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Kidnapping of 300 Nigerians schoolgirls

At least none of them will have to worry about dying a virgin!

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Brighter than the day

There is a time, when we must rise, From darkness, pain and wrath, When we are stumbling on our knees, And black is but the cloth. When children pray, And old men say, That life is just too bad… Should I eclipse the Sun and Moon, The stars by which we live, Should I be […]

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Trump supporters shot, trying to defend Democracy

Do you trust the Democrats?

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Wrong sis?

And a Happy New Year to you too! You make me smile. haha! What’s matter. Can’t you sleep? Not so far. I have an idea I can help. ? Think of something very large. Like What? Think of something very hard. What is it? It’s cold outside. Why don’t you try sucking on your fingers […]

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Budgen’s baloney

Went into the bad supermarket  for a stamp today.  Libby was getting shagged round the back.  One of the staff rushed up to me: “You’re banned!  You know you are” ?

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THE PRESIDENT

Mr President. This is Andy Gallagher in England. The best way to deal with this is by showing magnanimity and generosity towards the apparent Victor. Apologise for the jokes you made about him and give him credit where it is due, even though the use of postal ballots is very much open to scrutiny. Be […]

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Joe Biden’s teeth

Paid for by the poor and downtrodden…

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MIKE PENCE

‘Well done Mike Pence! In tonight’s Vice Presidential debate you were great. Calm, composed and honest, in your defence of the President. The Interviewer handled this a lot better than the last one. Joe Biden’s running mate over-ran herself, and also spoke back to you. She was unable to defend her record, because she did […]

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