Category Archives: Hot Air

“There’s a dog barking in the garden.” “It’s not the only one.”

Learn how to eradicate all your homophobic prejudices and become the only living zombie.

Nothing you could say.

It’s great to see our local newsagent has opened its door again. “Mucky books?”

Heather’s pregnant with a brat.

I was invited into the attic of our nearby Vicar today, to see the stash of porn mags he’d confiscated from the choir. “It’ll take more than this to lure me back to church,”  I said. I couldn’t help noticing a picture of Ron Jeremy with his cock in its usual chamber. I nodded down […]

I took Eileen on the Marriott’s Way yesterday.  It’s a very scenic route through the Norfolk countryside, which used to be a railway track.  The birds were singing.  The weather was beautiful.  The Sun was out.  We were talking about history and Edward the Confessor.  I was coaxed into giving her a back massage, while […]

Always said he was kind.

Spent most of his time sharpening his pencil Sat on the john thinking of new ways to spike the President’s coke Twisted everything Mr Trump said in a bid for fame and glory Peeved at being dumped in the trash after falling asleep at his desk Felt let-down after a life-time of grease-balling Angry that […]

A man caught short on a London street missed his target by a mile, thereby saving himself a further month in custody.  Don’t forget your glasses next time.  You are a bluddy disgrace!

I spoke to Eileen last night.  We speak quite often although I am trying to discourage her from using phrases like: “I haven’t had it for ages…” and… “Where would you like to put your hand tonight darling?” ‘I’ve got to be honest,’ I said to her.  ‘I like a woman to look like a […]

Government think-tank concludes that the disproportionately high number of black and Asian people dying of the virus is due to’racism:’ poor sanitation poorer education less sugar on your corn-flakes being back of the queue when it came to handing out fruit gums

Rebuked again for going in a supermarket the wrong way round. “But, I’m dyslexic!”

Armed robbery Pointing a gun at a pregnant female Assaulting a police officer Resisting arrest Offering drugs to a primary school Bag handler Pimping the arm of the law Saying; “Just wait till I get up from here.  I’m gonna make you sorry you even had a knee!”  

The time has come for us to make an urgent appeal to members of the public. Our membership has been falling for a number of years, but we hope to recruit many new members in the coming months. Membership is on an ad hoc basis, with fees paid up front and donated to our royal […]

Slamming of doors Spitting, shouting, punching, stamping the floor and hissing “Just wait till I show them what you’ve done!”

It was better in the good old days when all you needed was a lance.

Anyone born in a particular place,  at a certain time, with webbed feet will be affected by it for the rest of their life…

Make this an issue about race and not police brutality Keep the pressure on Trump and hope that he will crack Maintain that ‘black lives matter’ more than yellow Stir up the crowd and blame in on the President Persist with the ignorant idea of equality for all Offer bribes to the media barons Hope […]

Twisting everything he says Encouraging rioters to break the law Fuelling the frenzy Praising the piss of Joe Biden

“If we don’t do something soon, the population will go on growing!”

“You have a lot of problems…” “Thanks for letting me know.” “Is that why you let them confiscate all my poetry books…?”

Bit of a Laura Kuentzberg.

Its a pity a parent can’t drive hundreds of miles across country to protect their children without the press hounding them to death because they broke the restrictions, but if your name is Dominic Cummings, then this will continue until they have you out of your job, they hope. You can tell the rabble the […]

I was asked to take my profile picture of Adolf Hitler down, prior to our chess match with the Berlin Bishops. The manager of my team thought it might get me kicked off the site and it would save a lot of hassle, if it upset anyone. I suppose it would be no good reminding […]

A ‘victim’ of the Manchester Arena bombing said of its perpetrators today; “I can’t wait to spit on their grave!”

‘Rich’ countries, who have ploughed resources into creating a vaccine, for the virus created in a lab, or festered in the bat’s wings sold on the open market….should not be allowed to profit, say human rights campaigners and charity workers helping to promote a rise in the poor African population…

Ah,  in need of a pay rise.  Too much free time chatting in the garden.

Social Services May 2020 Dear Occupant, I am writing to inform you that you have been allocated a Social Worker.  This follows your visit from the police over two weeks ago.  Next Thursday I will be calling to see you with a male member-of-staff, who will assess your son’s unsuitability for Care-work.  We are not […]

We were watching a film this morning.  I started to tell the Little Shitzah about Stephen Boyd, who came from a small town called Glengormley in County Antrim. “Irish shit,” she replied.