Category Archives: Hot Air

PARTITION OF UKRAINE

Ukraine will be partitioned along the Dnieper river, with the Russian federation remaining in control of Crimea, and all regions  to the east.

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We know you are there

Dear Mr. Mayhew, I was pursued to St. Michael’s church in Aylsham at the weekend for no apparent reason.  A police helicopter appeared from no-where, hovered over the entrance, then went away when I cycled to the nearby Co-op.  What on earth do these brain defunct pestiferous nincompoops think I am going to do? If […]

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Grossly malicious trolling

Any troll, which deliberately posts malicious messages or causes any kind of destruction to the building infrastructure must be immediately apprehended and destroyed…

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MY GRANDAD

Dear Mr. Mayhew, My Grandad had nine kids, and if it wasn’t for the Second World War, he’d have had a lot more…

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FOOD BANKS

Many working class English people just don’t know how to cut back on their booze, sofa-spuds, and fags.

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EVASION

Dear Mr. Mayhew, I contacted Adult Care Services in North Walsham to find out who the Manager in charge was, but they wouldn’t tell me. When I persisted with my question the member of staff said I was being rude, and put the phone down on me. Why can’t people answer a straight question? It […]

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Continued police harassment

Dear Mr. Mayhew, The police are continuing to follow me and persecute me wherever I go, for no good reason. I told you about them barging into my home a few weeks ago. They reported me to Social Services, but they were happy with the care I was providing for my mum. I told you […]

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Wallace claims viking ancestry

You mean, rape, pillage and plunder, don’t you Ben…

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Putin continues to fight America for possession of Ukraine…

And all combined NATO forces! Has no intention of invading other countries.

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Christian hypocrisy

Dear Mr. Mayhew, Why is Neil Parish having his life wrecked, just for watching a bit of porn.  What’s it there for anyway. He should have been quietly taken to one side and warned not to do it again at work. A great example of a witch-hunt by idiots in the Establishment.

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Russian troops remove British ‘aid-workers’ from war-zone

FOR THEIR OWN SAFETY!

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I’m no great lover of porn…

But surely,  what an MP watches on his own personal phone is up to him!

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Rayner goes commando!

Thought I noticed a slight swelling in Boris’s trousers…

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Are all law-breakers ‘criminals?’

Dear Mr. Mayhew, With the Prime-Minister now such a persistent offender; will he have to be monitored by a ‘Care-Manager?’ forced to sign a legal document every six months that he has not been dancing on the lawn or cavorting with Rishi Sunak regular visits by the plebs to search through Number 10 for illicit […]

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The Archbishop can’t keep his gob shut

The Archbishop vented his anger at the Government, in his Easter message, today, for attempting to re-locate some of the economic migrants, in their sardine cans, back to Africa. “This is opposite to the nature of God!” he proclaimed.  ‘You are evading your social responsibilities to house every last one of these poor men, with […]

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Not a small speeding fine!

Dear Mr. Mayhew,   I am trying to find the address of one Darrell Meekcom, 55, who was arrested a few days ago for ‘mooning’ a police speed camera.   He was attacked in his own garden by six of these oafs some moments later.  Why was he treated so horribly for something so innocuous.     […]

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BRITAIN ENTERS WAR ON THE SIDE OF UKRAINE

Johnson pledges any amount of money to pay fine.

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EXTRA, EXTRA, READ ALL ABOUT IT!

Dear Helen, I was greatly honoured to receive your second first class letter, on the same subject, in only a matter of days. I seldom visit the library now.  I look back to the glory days of Karen with a sense of nostalgia, for the warm and friendly atmosphere which once pervaded the building. It […]

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An important message!

Dear Mr. Mayhew, The library is banning me, for leaving a blank piece of paper, at the library in Aylsham. They are saying that if I attempt to enter the library, the police will be called, and I will be escorted from the premises. I believe you are an MP for all the people in […]

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Conservative MP Imran Khan found guilty of assault

Dear Mr. Mayhew, I am writing to you about a lack of sympathy or empathy in our increasingly hostile society, which is difficult to ignore if you take any interest in the hogwash meted out in our legal system. As far as I can make out, Mr. Khan only touched the young man’s foot and […]

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I DIDN’T THINK YOU WOULD FIND IT SO SOON

Honest! It was only a wind-up anyway. It’s a fair cop!

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Johnson ‘gives away’ 100 million to the Ukrainian military

Although the general public have been sold one side of the story, I don’t believe they ever voted for such a large sum to be given away, at a time of great hardship. Martin Lewis thinks we are on the edge of a civil breakdown. No amount of new recruits into a gang whose methods […]

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Why hasn’t Prince Andrew been placed on the Sex-offender’s register?

I don’t know. Why hasn’t Prince Andrew been placed on the Sex-offender’s register?

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Further unnecessary harassment and interference by the British police

Dear Right hon. Mr. Mayhew, Member-of-Parliament for BROADLAND (and Tom), I don’t know how much you read of my letters.  I realise you must be very busy and I don’t want to be a nuisance to you. I realise also that you can’t do very much, and that if you did, it would be the […]

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David Warburton has the Whip taken away…

Sounds like he’s already into a bit of S and M.

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Dear Mr. Mayhew

Would you answer my complaints of police harassment if I claimed Ukrainian parentage?

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A gathering of apes

Dear Mr. Mayhew, As you know, our Carer was harassed by the police just for coming to our house to support my mother a few weeks ago, and I was harassed by them in my own home when I hadn’t done anything wrong. I feel sometimes, that the police could drag us away, beat hell […]

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NATO REFUSES TO ENTER WAR ON THE SIDE OF UKRAINIANS

But supplies as much weaponry as it possibly can from all its host countries willing to fight.

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Nazia Ahmed

Doctor Ahmed called round as a “follow-up,” to the imaginary lump in mum’s mouth. When I asked her if she called for any other reason she didn’t reply…

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Unbiased news reporting

Dear Mr. Mayhew, Why on earth are the Government inviting millions of Ukrainians to live in our homes? Have they gone absolutely mad?  I thought we were supposed to be reducing the number of people coming to our shores.  Where is all the money coming from. As I said before.  I grew up with a […]

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