Author Archives: Herpes Zoster

Lions and hyenas

You could have the biggest, strongest, bravest lion in the world, but if you get enough hyenas to gang up and attack it together, they will kill the lion and destroy it. Which one are you?

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How many times do I have to say this…

THE CURE FOR GLOBAL WARMING IS TO REDUCE THE  GREEDY HUMAN POPULATION! YOU DON’T NEED A DEGREE IN PHYSICS TO UNDERSTAND THAT PHYSICAL ACTIVITY GENERATES HEAT. TOO MANY PEOPLE! Nothing could be worse for the environment, than the industrialization of Africa (for instance). The planet does go through some natural changes of it’s own, and […]

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A way to solve the crisis

Dear Mr. Mayhew, It’s a bit like closing the stable door after the horse has bolted, but why not scupper the migrant boats before they set off.  Is that against the law…oh, dear! It’s clear to anyone that the Government will never get a grip of this problem, so here’s a new idea to share […]

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Not interested

Dear Norfolk Constabulary, I have been unable to speak to anyone on the phone.  I have tried several times. No-one has ever responded to my e-mails in the past. I wrote to you yesterday. About seven months ago I was caught speeding through Roughton. Its the bit where the speed limit suddenly changes from 40 […]

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ON BENEFITS

HIM Dollops of doe in the pocket 2nd hand camper van in the car-park Never speaks Never smiles Several sprogs to various girls around the city No work, due to the pandemic Huge family rodent Lots of mates calling round Delivers a dozen large blue plastic containers full of clothes to the poor of Trinidad […]

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Sergeant Matt

“Everybody liked him.  Even those he arrested…”

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Heseltine, likens Boris to…

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Corbyn hates the elite…

until he becomes one of them.

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Democracy at stake!

Divisive decision to stick by the referendum judged undemocratic.

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White men should be made to toil the fields…

says Pain-in-the-butt

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Prorogation of Parliament “just not sensible” says Clarke

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Antibiotic resistance

10 million people could die!

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It’s wrong…

to show loyalty to a friend….

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Missed a penalty!

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Pawel  Stairwell admitted masturbating in public  

A 25-year-old man has pleaded guilty to offences of voyeurism, outraging public decency and burglary. Pawel Stairwell admitted four counts of voyeurism, two counts of outraging public decency and three counts of burglary when he appeared at Sheffield Crown Court on Wednesday. He is expected to receive a huge lorry-load of bullshit from the Judge […]

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Man bit lump out of pig’s ear

That’s an awful lot of mouthwash to pay for!

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I’ve never seen so many black people in one place

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‘Micro’ flats

Just the solution to the massive rise in population.

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Russia takes the lead in poisoning

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Hong Kong: battle continues

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Pigs gun down anyone with a criminal record…

Dear Sir Norman, I wondered what you thought about the deliberate police gunning-down of a member of the public, who was leaning over to open his car door?  Do you think anyone will be prosecuted or will Parliament just turn a blind eye again.  A few years ago someone got sent to prison for having […]

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Theresa May: the final conflict

‘Politics has become very ‘course’ and adversarial, a breeding ground for twits and ass-hats.  People should not be laughing and getting enjoyment from the destruction of their enemies.  Debating in this way is wrong and can be extremely damaging.’

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SCRAM!

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Doc Martian

I’ve not heard anything from the Doc, ever since I got into a slight pickle some time ago.  We were away on holiday with his wife and three kids when he came down to breakfast wearing her bra.  Martin has been with the correct Practice for a number of years.  He owns a lovely house […]

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Polish slave gang

A gang of crooks who recruited former prostitutes, drug-addicts, criminals and vagrants was jailed the other day for providing food and accommodation in return for work. fresh showers in the local canal or reservoir chicken dinner at the nearest poultry farm a free shag whenever you wanted While the gang feasted on roll-ups, take-away curries […]

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England ladies lose to U.S.A

Not enough coloureds in the team.

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SHITZAH

The Little Shitzah wouldn’t get out of the car. “I’ve just been to the dentist,” she said. “What’s wrong. You don’t walk with your teeth…”

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The West has failed…

To provide homes, resources and welfare to anyone who wants it To prevent war, famine and pestilence To see that all hungry mouths are fed in the most troubled areas To encourage the use of condoms and the building of suitable shipping SHAME ON YOU WEST!

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Trump criticised for standing up to the Chinese

There’s no pleasing some people!

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Local busy-bodies ban arguments at home

Having an argument with your partner today warrants an emergency call to the Cops. It may not prevent a fight over the remote control but its an excellent way of getting someone into trouble.

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