Author Archives: Herpes Zoster

It’s wrong…

to show loyalty to a friend….

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Missed a penalty!

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Pawel  Stairwell admitted masturbating in public  

A 25-year-old man has pleaded guilty to offences of voyeurism, outraging public decency and burglary. Pawel Stairwell admitted four counts of voyeurism, two counts of outraging public decency and three counts of burglary when he appeared at Sheffield Crown Court on Wednesday. He is expected to receive a huge lorry-load of bullshit from the Judge […]

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Man bit lump out of pig’s ear

That’s an awful lot of mouthwash to pay for!

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I’ve never seen so many black people in one place

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‘Micro’ flats

Just the solution to the massive rise in population.

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Russia takes the lead in poisoning

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Hong Kong: battle continues

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Pigs gun down anyone with a criminal record…

Dear Sir Norman, I wondered what you thought about the deliberate police gunning-down of a member of the public, who was leaning over to open his car door?  Do you think anyone will be prosecuted or will Parliament just turn a blind eye again.  A few years ago someone got sent to prison for having […]

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Theresa May: the final conflict

‘Politics has become very ‘course’ and adversarial, a breeding ground for twits and ass-hats.  People should not be laughing and getting enjoyment from the destruction of their enemies.  Debating in this way is wrong and can be extremely damaging.’

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SCRAM!

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Doc Martian

I’ve not heard anything from the Doc, ever since I got into a slight pickle some time ago.  We were away on holiday with his wife and three kids when he came down to breakfast wearing her bra.  Martin has been with the correct Practice for a number of years.  He owns a lovely house […]

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Polish slave gang

A gang of crooks who recruited former prostitutes, drug-addicts, criminals and vagrants was jailed the other day for providing food and accommodation in return for work. fresh showers in the local canal or reservoir chicken dinner at the nearest poultry farm a free shag whenever you wanted While the gang feasted on roll-ups, take-away curries […]

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England ladies lose to U.S.A

Not enough coloureds in the team.

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SHITZAH

The Little Shitzah wouldn’t get out of the car. “I’ve just been to the dentist,” she said. “What’s wrong. You don’t walk with your teeth…”

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The West has failed…

To provide homes, resources and welfare to anyone who wants it To prevent war, famine and pestilence To see that all hungry mouths are fed in the most troubled areas To encourage the use of condoms and the building of suitable shipping SHAME ON YOU WEST!

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Trump criticised for standing up to the Chinese

There’s no pleasing some people!

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Local busy-bodies ban arguments at home

Having an argument with your partner today warrants an emergency call to the Cops. It may not prevent a fight over the remote control but its an excellent way of getting someone into trouble.

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Last night’s heavyweight boxing match

The referee stepped over to Joshua’s corner, where he appeared to be looking for his gum-shield: “How many fingers am I holding up?” “Do it slowly and I might be able to tell.” “What day is it?” “Cup final day.  Any more stupid questions?”  

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New cure for malaria

A new cure for malaria, which will rely on fungus modified with spider venom is expected to save 100,000 lives in Africa alone.

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How about this…

My aunt and uncle arrive and sit around quaffing wine as if they own the place. Pain-in-the-butt rings shortly after they arrive and has a good hearty chin-wag with them. I am ordered to stop being so noisy when I move a dining chair to sit down in my own home, because my uncle is […]

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NEW HOME SECRETARY

A bully with no respect for anyone Always right and never in the wrong Able to put you away at a moment’s notice Incapable of making a mistake or ever admitting they were wrong Superb at manipulating others and twisting the facts Able to change the law at a moment’s notice Enthusiastic about more surveillance […]

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PRINCE HARRY

The young ginger ran up behind his older brother and kicked hard into his heels. William turned with a look of panic and pain… “Why can’t I be King?” blurted Harry. We both had the same father.  

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A warning to us all

I was persuaded by an Asian sounding gentleman calling himself ‘John’ that he was a Microsoft Engineer and that my computer had been hacked.  He said he needed to remove some malware which had got into the  hard-drive. He then asked for access to my computer and asked me to load a programme called ‘Any-desk.’  […]

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Worried about Charles

I’m worried, that if Charles tries to get out of the car door in the middle of traffic again he will have the car door off…

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Westminster’s popular vote

Members of Parliament, who have cunningly blocked UK exit from the Federation, have agreed to give their whole-hearted support to new measures in which Police Plebs and Government lackeys will be able to monitor, snoop and retain information on the general public from the moment they are born until their final unexpurgated departure.

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More on Swapper

Dear Swapper, The only difference between me and you is that I am a c.nt just some of the time.

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Rats in the house

We were treated to a visit by Kev last night, who sneaked in the back door without knocking again.  The Little Shitzah had called him in.  They both sat whispering in the Conservatory… “You need to clean the back of the garage, or we will get rats!” “We already have them,” I said.

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Diocletian’s persecution of the Christians

Wholly justified, with good cause, but a bit late in the day.

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Atrocity in Christchurch

The citizens of New Zealand were stunned today by a violent attack on the holy mosques of the Islamic religion.  A gang of ‘white supremacists’ attacked without warning, destroying the peaceful and wonderful worshippers during their prayers.  A Government bird-dog spoke of the need to : “reach out with love and warmth towards all people” […]

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