Author Archives: Sarin

All the best! To the snoops in other places… You’re a pest!

Dear Mr. Mayhew, Many years ago, we played football, on the cobbled streets of our town, or in the school playground. We ‘Bog-Arab Paddies’ on one side, and the ‘Parkies’ on the other.  They knew who they were.  They knew where they came from.  No-body ever went home blubbering to mum. We took the piss […]

Not exactly, the brightest star in the galaxy!

As agreed, I rang  the Pain-in-the-butt, so she could speak to mum. “He’s not had very much!  You have to feel sorry for him.” And you’ve had plenty, from the age of eleven or twelve, if your diary was correct. Though, I sense, you are not getting very much at the moment…

Had a baby in her pram. Looked like a little black doll. It was nice to see her.

For the first time, really. I didn’t realize she was so lovely.

‘What’s wrong with having your own personal workhorse?’

Your knee hurts. You can’t sleep. Someone fiddling in the kitchen. Fifty press-ups on the carpet!

Billions spent on vaccines no use against the new strains.

Kept asking me if I’d always lived here.

“There’s simply no explanation for what he’s done…” “I needed to hear all the sordid little details for my peace of mind.”

I met Eileen a few weeks ago.  We went cycling together a few times and got along very well.  She rang me every night and spoke for hours.  Yesterday she came across with a chocolate cake all the way from Ely.  We had a great day in the garden.  She knows I can’t leave my […]

Learn how to eradicate all your homophobic prejudices and become the only living zombie.

Spent most of his time sharpening his pencil Sat on the john thinking of new ways to spike the President’s coke Twisted everything Mr Trump said in a bid for fame and glory Peeved at being dumped in the trash after falling asleep at his desk Felt let-down after a life-time of grease-balling Angry that […]

The time has come for us to make an urgent appeal to members of the public. Our membership has been falling for a number of years, but we hope to recruit many new members in the coming months. Membership is on an ad hoc basis, with fees paid up front and donated to our royal […]

“If we don’t do something soon, the population will go on growing!”

‘Rich’ countries, who have ploughed resources into creating a vaccine, for the virus created in a lab, or festered in the bat’s wings sold on the open market….should not be allowed to profit, say human rights campaigners and charity workers helping to promote a rise in the poor African population…

Due to the rate matter is moving, the passage of light over many millions of years and the space-time continuum, when we observe the farthest galaxies, we could be looking at our own beginnings.

I had an e-mail the other day from my old college chum,  who I had talked out of his obsession long ago.  He still insists on sending me flowers and a card each spring, in memory of the time I stopped him from buying his twelve year old neighbour a box of chocolates and a […]

A white aeroplane was circling over the garden today.  The pilot came round at least three times.  I imagine he was saying to his passenger/s: “Hey, see the red head on him!”

“Saves lives” “Bit of a moving feast” “Government talking up the numbers” “People told to stay at home”

I heard from Ryan at the town hall that the first case of corona-virus has been found at the Bure Valley Zoo.  Apparently his aunty told him.  Crick has been broadcasting it all round town in between having his hair parted by his mother.

Don’t seem to have a clue what they are doing.  I asked several times for some information, but the lady did everything she could to avoid answering me…

Called in the bank today. “‘Where is everyone?” No response. Paid in my cheque. “Is there anything else you’d like us to do today?” “Like what…?”

Do we believe her?

The American economy will fail A test for Corona-virus a waste of time We don’t like him New Chinese super-bug tested first on peasants

When I came back the Little Shitzah said Janet round the corner had left all the lights on in her house today. ‘How did you know that?’ I asked.

We’ll always help….to label you,  especially if you’ve been in any trouble!

Pete asked about the game, and said that “it was only a flash-in-the-pan…” I said I couldn’t make it, because I had a lot on next week.