Author Archives: Bird Dung

Monster’s family say…

We didn’t even know he was gay!

Posted in Hot Air | Comments closed

Evil criminal arrested eating his Christmas dinner

Lamb says; cannabis should be legalised.

Posted in Hot Air | Comments closed

The Chief Inspector

The Chief Inspector called by the Signalbox today.  Its August 1983.  He tried to approach me on the blind side. “We get at least a dozen phone calls every day about you!” he fumed.  “When are you going to start behaving like everyone else?!”

Posted in Hot Air | Comments closed

By phone

Pain-in-the-butt:  “I never read your e-mails.” Well, fuck off then!

Posted in Hot Air | Comments closed

The launch of my career

Virginia Giuffre has really started life with a bang.  I predict a long and varied career, with cheque-books being waved in her direction from now til doomsday.  The thought of Prince Andrew shagging hell out of her at seventeen fills me with absolute loathing.

Posted in Hot Air | Comments closed

The kiss of life

When Gazza was arrested for giving a “fat lass” a kiss on the train and accused of sexual assault people abroad must have been scratching their heads a little.  In Italy men kiss each other on the mouth and no-one says a thing…kissing has always been an expression of friendship; so why didn’t the woman […]

Posted in Hot Air | Comments closed

No shoes for contest

When South Africa won the rugby union world cup final in 1995 there was only one black player in the team.  Bluddy disgusting!

Posted in Hot Air | Comments closed

There’s nothing for it…

We are just going to have to pay people to stay in their own country and donate our hard-earned resources in order to bolster their economy.

Posted in Hot Air | Comments closed

I’ve been saying this for years, but here it is again

Hate is not a crime. Neither is disliking someone. The idea that we should never ‘hate,’ and that we should love everyone, is an idea spread around by Christianity, a religion which has stood truth on its head. Punishing people for a feeling shows just what a dishonest and petty society we are living in. […]

Posted in Hot Air | Comments closed

The Vicar’s wife

Went with the Vicar’s wife to the Feathers in Wymondham.  He’s retired now, but still spinning out sermons. “Asian people are only good at maths because they learn everything by repetition…” “You mean, like a parrot,” I said.

Posted in Hot Air | Comments closed

Finally got rid of pain-in-the-butt down at the station

‘That’s it, finished,’ she said.  ‘You’re on your own from now on.’ ‘I’m going to be among normal people now.’ ‘But you’re not normal,’ I said. (Only here to look in the clothes shops)…

Posted in Hot Air | Comments closed

Pain-in-the-butt

Mum scraped all her meal into the toilet today, just prior to wishing you good day and asking about the dog. Still crazy after all these years.  Well well…

Posted in Hot Air | Comments closed

Football killed Jeff Astle

The relatives of the footballer known as Jeff ‘on-my-nut’ Astle have said that no-one should have to go through what they have been through, and that it was a scandal that good old Jeff had been allowed to head a football during his playing career. “He’ll never be able to see that he had another […]

Posted in Hot Air | Comments closed

DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY my ass…

Diplomats have been using their status to get away with crime since time immemorial, as everyone in Government knows.  What is this sudden surprise, as if its never happened before?  I don’t think sending a truck-load of pigs to the States will solve anything or make anything any better. It was obviously a terrible accident.

Posted in Hot Air | Comments closed

Transgender games

A new Olympic games are about to begin.   For all those poor sods who can’d decide what they really want to be.  We need to make everything more ‘normal.’  Women should be allowed to walk on the Moon….

Posted in Hot Air | Comments closed

Vindictive phone calls

I’ve been getting vindictive phone calls from the Plebs for a few weeks now.  I know its them.  I can smell the urine and decaying vegetable matter. “We know where you are.  When are you going to get rid of those annoying posts!” a voice cries.  Home Office  I think.  London accent. They sent a […]

Posted in Hot Air | Comments closed

Turkish mortar attack kills child

Trump wanted for murder…

Posted in Hot Air | Comments closed

Pigs always like to lie…

in shit!

Posted in Hot Air | Comments closed

Which story shall we run?

Mad Harry follows in the footsteps of dear old mum Katy Price gets a new cut and blow-dry done Gay Vicar is also a member of the Secret Service Corbyn owns a Rottweiler which hates the Jews People who voted for Brexit have sub-normal intelligence William Hague unable to father children Doctors and nurses are […]

Posted in Hot Air | Comments closed

The Plebs

The Plebs were sitting on the sofa, when they asked me if I was in a relationship, or intended to be in one.  I said there was a married woman pursuing me for sex, but I wasn’t going to tell them her name in case they went round there.  I showed them a photo of […]

Posted in Hot Air | Comments closed

I waved to Sue

I waved to Sue today, when I went in the library.  She was at the desk.  She doesn’t like to be called ‘Sue’ she said. That funny little guy with the red face was at his computer chair.  He doesn’t speak to me anymore and puts his head down if I see him now.  He […]

Posted in Hot Air | Comments closed

Afraid the head might get his cock out

Schoolgirls are no longer allowed to look like schoolgirls. Er, there are still male headmasters around?

Posted in Hot Air | Comments closed

Christine’s reward

Christine’s reward for splitting with me: a job in the church canteen washing all the dishes.

Posted in Hot Air | Comments closed

Man assaulted with cricket ball

If this had happened in any other place Jofra Archer would have been arrested for a deliberate attack.

Posted in Hot Air | Comments closed

Mexican cops give teenager gang bang lesson

Protestors stormed a police station in Mexico yesterday over their refusal to investigate yet another sex attack on a young Mexican woman.

Posted in Hot Air | Comments closed

Cure for society

Build more prisons!

Posted in Hot Air | Comments closed

Only one of these is true

Pain-in-the-butt no longer talks to the Kevin Mom has always been a very good mom

Posted in Hot Air | Comments closed

Human beings

Selfish to the point of madness Arrogant beyond measure Greedy and ambitious Eager for attention Untrustworthy, dishonest hunger for power Impatient for glory Why should we expect our Politicians to be any different?  

Posted in Hot Air | Comments closed

Okay to set your dog on travellers

Posted in Hot Air | Comments closed

Country girls

I turned on an episode of ‘Country girls’ tonight, which I hadn’t watched before.  The daughter, sat holed up in the barn, described in lurid detail how her father had ravished her on his way to milk the cows, how awful it had been, and how it had all left a bad taste in her […]

Posted in Hot Air | Comments closed