Author Archives: Bird Dung

Man assaulted with cricket ball

If this had happened in any other place Jofra Archer would have been arrested for a deliberate attack.

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Mexican cops give teenager gang bang lesson

Protestors stormed a police station in Mexico yesterday over their refusal to investigate yet another sex attack on a young Mexican woman.

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Cure for society

Build more prisons!

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Only one of these is true

Pain-in-the-butt no longer talks to the Kevin Mom has always been a very good mom

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Human beings

Selfish to the point of madness Arrogant beyond measure Greedy and ambitious Eager for attention Untrustworthy, dishonest hunger for power Impatient for glory Why should we expect our Politicians to be any different?  

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Okay to set your dog on travellers

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Country girls

I turned on an episode of ‘Country girls’ tonight, which I hadn’t watched before.  The daughter, sat holed up in the barn, described in lurid detail how her father had ravished her on his way to milk the cows, how awful it had been, and how it had all left a bad taste in her […]

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Forum library group

When I arrived Heather wasn’t there.  She came back from the ground floor a few minutes later. I was more tired than I realised, after cycling thirteen miles against the wind and rain. I sat down with Lucy, who is from Hong Kong, Jinga, from Bangladesh, and June, from the Charity shop on Magdalen Street. […]

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Sir Norman takes weed

Dear Sir Norman, Could you possibly spare me a bit of weed?  It’s not for me, its for someone else… Could you explain why the pigs have battered down thousands of doors, tasered anyone in their path, smashed up property, invaded people’s private homes, and thrown citizens into prison for something which should never have […]

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Thank your lucky stars!

I don’t have to see, that horrible family ever again.

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Cops harassed man at library

I was sitting minding my own business at the library this evening when in slithered a really shifty looking geezer.  I saw him go and flash his badge at the library staff.  They both gleamed at him as if they knew him.  He was dressed in very plain clothes. Detectives usually are. I watched the […]

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David, love the ‘Beast’

I must just tell you about an elderly chap at our club who is giving me grave cause for concern.  I do not have any evidence yet, apart from the hushed whispers of the members, and the occasional slide of his hand across your rear end as you are standing to order your drink, but […]

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Once again: men go to jail while women go free

In a recent case involving animal neglect and cruelty the men were sent to prison for a number of years, while their fellow defendant was set free. Having quite naturally celebrated her freedom on Face-book she was reported by the snooping on-line pigs and called back into Court. The leering smiling humanist free-thinking Judge delivered […]

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You’d never guess it…

But Bostik is quite a romantic.  Look what he bought Heather for her birthday!

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Born in a field

Last night a Conservative MP grabbed hold of a grinning gleaming Greenpeace protester in a red dress and marched her out of the room.  The Government is committed to a programme of healthy living and care for the environment. It would have been awful to see him put her over his knee and give her […]

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Round the twist

When the phone rang I saw the Little Shitzah take it away and shut the door, whispering that I had messed up both the phones again.   I overheard her advise my step-brother to make a full and frank confession about the missing money, because it would go a lot easier for him when the final […]

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Graham Taffy Mackerel

Was fined over six thousand pounds today for failing to have enough turn-stiles open at Hillsborough thirty years ago. It did not directly cause any deaths but made the Judge very popular with his audience. Comments overheard: should have been sacked immediately was a burden to society rat in the cornfield solid as a rock […]

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Sally handed me a pencil

Sally handed me a pencil for notation at the chess group this morning. “I hope you don’t mind a little one?” she said. I don’t mind how big it is as long as it does its job alright.

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A rubber Johnny

I’m in my sixties and getting on a bit. Called in the local Chemist’s where I know there’s some nice bits of stuff. I’ll have a box of those I said…

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I’m Mike!

Dear Readers,  I’d just like to say something about Mark Goodman, a retired Head-teacher from the local Quacker school, who is about to embark on a dangerous mission to the Middle East.  Mark is going to be endangering himself in the hot sun for three scorching months, monitoring the Jews and escorting Palestinian children to […]

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Times have certainly changed…

In the twelfth century the Angevin dynasty ruled over England and two thirds of France.  The sons of Henry the Second wanted to get their hands on power, but their father didn’t think either Henry, Richard and John would do anything but follow their own selfish desires, and that they would end up destroying the […]

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Little Shitzah

Took Little Shitzah to the hospital today.  We arrived at the desk in good time. “This is my mum,” I said. “I think she’s here to have an eye out!”

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Why teachers brain-wash their pupils

Swedish school-girl Greta Thunberg has been allowed to skip school in order to protest about climate change.  If nothing is changed this tiny blue planet will not be able to support billions more kind polite human beings.  Migration was not on the syllabus.

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The original report

The original news report on the accident at Sandringham specifically stated that Prince Philip was not involved and that he had not been injured.  No mention was made of anyone else being involved and certainly nothing was said about anyone else being injured.  Another example of the Authorities manipulating the media in any way they […]

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Britain’s favourite icon

Just who would be your favourite icon of the Twentieth-Century? David Bowie:  androgynous sexual deviant      its alright to be different if we like your eye-makeup Martin Luther King: being an activist is best but always has its dangers    liked having fantasies    all men are equal Muhammed Ali:  promoted peace, love and […]

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Facial recognition

I always recognize a c.nt when I see one.

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Working in a Mental Institution

I’ve been working in a mental institution for most of my life but my most intimidating battle ever has been in the last two years.  You say one word to them and they get really nasty.  They throw a chair and start shouting at you to get out.  You ask them to take their used […]

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“The net is closing in around Trump…”

As if… We don’t do biased reporting We are always fair and unprejudiced towards people we don’t like We don’t carry out campaigns of hate against anyone… We are not trying to blacken anyone’s name We fully approve of the democratic election process If we dig deep enough we will find something you’ve done A […]

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I am Alf Garnett

Watching Corrie tonight after a long absence, I was reminded what a selfish conniving manipulative lying wonderfully hypocritical species the human race really is. And I let them know it!

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Are all Judges corksuckers?

A question which is frequently asked on my tour around the county. A bit like asking: are all Cops rug-munching dykes OR are all Cops thick-headed and ignorant OR, do they know it’s all a load of bull…

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