Author Archives: Bird Dung

Anthony Joshua says:

‘You couldn’t punch your way out of a paper bag… you over grown piece of cob travelling muck!’

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NEW VACCINE SHRINKS YOUR PENIS!

There is absolutely no evidence that it does, but how can you afford to take any chances… Effectiveness of first injection down to 0.1%.

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VIRUS ENTERING THROUGH EYES AND ANUS

Face-masks simply a fashion accessory.

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Budgen’s baloney

Went into the bad supermarket  for a stamp today.  Libby was getting shagged round the back.  One of the staff rushed up to me: “You’re banned!  You know you are” ?

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Head of Antifa threatens to pray for the President

“My wife Jill and I regretfully send our condolences and hope you will keep your mouth shut in future!”

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Wolf dung

Pretended to like being filmed at first. These idiots snoop into all your e-mails and personal information at will, and twist it all to suit themselves. There isn’t an MP or Member of the Establishment in the country who will say a word in your defence. Taking the urine out of them is your public […]

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WHAT A STRANGE 24 HOURS

  Eileen breaks up with me without giving any reason. The Cops turn up and ask me for my phone. Kevin comes here to gloat.

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Sky Interviewer; “What do you think could hurt President Putin?”

Nothing you could say.

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Top shelf

It’s great to see our local newsagent has opened its door again. “Mucky books?”

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Another annoying human being joins the human race

Heather’s pregnant with a brat.

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In the wrong way…

Rebuked again for going in a supermarket the wrong way round. “But, I’m dyslexic!”

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Oxford legal Secretary

“You have a lot of problems…” “Thanks for letting me know.” “Is that why you let them confiscate all my poetry books…?”

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UK Government say…

“Test, track and chase!  We will do our very best to protect your freedom and ease this terrible lock-down.”

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Donald Shipman Trump

A great way to finish off your ailing relative…

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Fox’s Glacier Mints

We had a little bust-up this morning about her taking all the milk from the fridge and leaving it in her room… “What do you mean I’m not normal, you’re the one who’s not normal!” A bit later I remembered a story Sally had told me about her mother, who kept putting Fox’s Glacier mints […]

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My Grandad always said they would…

and they did!

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My wonderful nosy neighbours

Out exercising in the garden today and self-isolating, due to the pandemic.  It was a lovely sunny day, so I was in my swimming trunks.  I had a sudden feeling of deja vu, as the mechanical whirr of a helicopter appeared on the horizon.   It sped directly towards me at top speed, and circled overhead. […]

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BISHOP OF LONDON

“Its okay not to be okay…”

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Chinese labourer found to have slept with Peking duck

Ah!  Now we know where it’s all been coming from.

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New virus mutates down the Inter-net

Can now be caught through e-mails, text messages and sneezing on your computer.

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Migrant virus attacks the Italian main-land

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Three cheers for the Gypsy King

“Uncomfortable” “Inexcusable!” “A very sorry role-model” “Not wicked enough to become a ‘non-person’” “Winner by a knock-out” “Refused to admit his guilt” “Spent most of his time celebrating…”    

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Mummy’s boy Ashton: “the NHS is on it’s knees!”

Annoying   irritating   speaks like a woman

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dandjatsarin7642.com

<Well, Mr. David Doctor Strange-love, Your cover is well and truly blown. That night you came to sit next to me when I first met up with Heather was a dead give away.  The pigs have contacts all over. It was nice of you to buy me a drink though, but did you have to […]

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Bird-girl receives honorary doctorate…

But nothing at all to do with her Bangladeshi heritage.  

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Weirdo Government Adviser says…

Enforced contraception for low IQ’s and Members of the Press!

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Only one black actor saved the Oscars

Is that right…?

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Why should you need someone’s permission before mentioning their name?

The newspaper’s never do it.  Historians don’t either.  People are not going to give their permission, especially if you are wanting to write about the truth.

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Pigs moaning about cuts again

Half of them are sat on their arses surfing the net.  The other half are too lazy to get out of their panda-cars.

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Spying on a girl in the shower

You can get struck off for it you know!  Have your life totally ruined and destroyed.

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