Author Archives: Rumplestiltskin

Never lie, are always kind and totally unselfish, especially when carrying a pair of hand-cuffs in their back pocket.

When the chips are down; roll in the royal carpet batten down the hatches! lie through your teeth hold on to your riches then say how Prince Andrew didn’t like em young…!

Its okay to gamble, unless you’re a kid!

A fight breaks out between a coven of teenagers and the police over a missing insurance certificate.  The Copper clings onto the car because he wants  to be  a hero.  One of the unlucky lads who the pigs don’t like anyway just about fits-the-bill.

As the Chinese army approaches the outskirts of Hong Kong who can prevent the terrible slaughter about to take place!

Some of whom were just seventeen going on thirty-five.  

Tonight we were introduced to the new member of the Dragon’s Den.  A feisty blonde from Geordie-land, who couldn’t keep her mouth shut.  What a relief; at least she’s not as flat as Susie Dent.

Why don’t you exaggerate?

Spoke to R at the gym last night.  She was pressing against my arm.  I’ve been having a few bad dreams recently, but playing on the parks swings was like being a teenager again.  I did kiss her as she took my hand climbing down from the equipment.  She told me that she didn’t want […]

ISN’T IT TIME YOU LEFT ME ALONE?

I noticed the teenager smothered in red lipstick staring at me over the railing as I entered the check-out.  When I looked back she was whispering to the girl from the club, then she walked away. Am I becoming paranoid.   Didn’t she used to be so friendly?

By order of the Imperial Information Conglomerate.

Dear Relatives, As Mom’s main Carer, I would like to thank you for the occasional phone call or message asking to know how she is, and whether any further support is needed.  How you have never shown any kind of prejudice or willingness to believe a single word the Little Shitzah tells you.

No news distortions No fake news No chickens Not an English city any more Reported with complete honesty and impartiality

In-the-butt Heather’s wedding today…save us a bit of cake? I know I have no right to ask any favours of you, but please tell the ugly Watsons mum was a bitch even when she was younger, from me. I hear you may be taking her back to Yorkshire. I’ve assured her you will not be […]

The typical Nazi, sadist or sportsman is no different from me or you.

PAIN-IN-THE-BUTT The new phone is fucked up again, possibly by the Little Shitzah banging it against the wall.

We were finishing our chess session with a chat about politics on Saturday. I turned to Charles, who was brought up in a very well to do area of Surrey. “Have you ever wanted to be black Charles?” He said he didn’t much mind whether he played black, or white.

During the French revolution a red ‘cap-of-liberty’ was placed atop each statue in the town square.  It symbolized the triumph of the common people over the aristocrats and the sponging oppressive royal ass-holes. It was hung on trees too, to remind everyone that dictatorship would not be tolerated in any shape or form. The wearing […]

Media companies must be held accountable for: all suicides for the storing of offensive images for ‘illegal’ political advertising for resistance against attack for maintaining free-speech We need a scapegoat.  Anyone will do.

Difficult to say, but he does look extremely serious.

Who, in God’s name, deletes a profile from Face-book?  If somebody dies, or they are considered to be too subversive, is it the Pleb gang or an invisible elf with a six-shooter?  Has anyone ever had a rational response from a site where so much personal information is shared??

When were you last on the job? Didn’t you go behind your wife’s back a week ago? How many stories have you told? How many rules have you broken? How many pencils have you snapped? Is it true that you once slept with a horse? Can you tell me now many fingers I am holding […]